Going Home.

Hi All

So, earlier this week I found out some exceptionally exciting news, I FINALLY SOLD MY CAR, which means I am finally on my way back to Thailand. As excited as I am about this (and I am VERY excited) I still have mixed feelings as well, but we will get to those later.

The first thing I would really like to do is say a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who is, has and will support me on this journey. First and foremost thank you to my family and friends. You are the people who know better than anyone just how excited this next trip makes me, you also know how hard some things have been on my last 3 trips and how scared I am alongside the excitement for this trip. To all of you who are there for me each and every time I need a shoulder to cry on, a word of encouragement, a prayer, a nice thought or even a motivational speech about what I needed to do in the hard times, in the good times and while I have been home, you have no idea how much I have both needed and appreciated your love and support. There is no way I would be able to go back this trip without having those of you who believe in and support me when I am finding it hard to believe in myself. I can never repay you for the kindness, caring and understanding that you all continue to show me.

To my family and friends who not only support my emotionally but financially as well, according to my beliefs you are a gift from God and I thank him for you each and every day, I am not sure how I ended up surrounded by such an amazing and generous group of people but I am eternally grateful. Obviously without each and every one of you I would not have been able to afford to return to Thailand to do what I know I should be doing, I can not thank you enough for both believing in and supporting me.

To give a quick update on my finances, I currently have the major initial expenses of this trip covered through donations and the sale of my car THANK YOU :D. I also have most of my weekly expenses covered through generous people who have offered ongoing support. I have recently lost an ongoing supporter due to financial difficulties and was already short about $20 a week so if anyone is interested in helping please feel free to contact me, or donate to my Gofundme account here: http://www.gofundme.com/f1nuw

Please do not believe the total on my Gofundme account page, I am not quite struggling that much :). The reasons many people have spoken to me directly about funding is either because they wish to remain anonymous or they are aware that go fund me takes a small percentage of money donated to fund the site and my sponsors would rather the money go directly to me.

It may not seem like it but I am as always just a little bit uncomfortable asking for money (if it was for any other reason I never would) my only other request is that anyone who is currently supporting me or chooses to do so in the future makes sure that they have met all there own needs first. Including entertainment and leisure activities as I would never wish to make any ones lives less pleasant or more difficult, please only donate if it will not be detrimental to you.

I am looking forward to so much. Mostly getting started and figuring out exactly what it is that God wants me doing over there. I know that there are so many needs in so many communities in Thailand and I am so grateful to have the opportunity to make a difference in others lives. My first few weeks are set to be hectic, settling in, getting in touch with and catching up with friends, existing contacts and of course the children from my previous trips. Making contact with people I have heard about since coming home and making new community contacts as well, finding a new church and a place to really crack on with learning written and spoken Thai and planning the next 9 months to make the most out of my time in Thailand and leave the biggest positive impact that I can manage. These are all the things that I am most excited about :D.

The two main things that scare the heck out of me:
1).
Not doing a good enough job: This is a fear that haunts my days and my nights, there are so many people who believe in me and I am so scared that I will let them down or let myself down or that I will let down the people that I am hoping to work with. Please if you ever read anything I post or blog and have constructive criticism, feedback, suggestions or questions any and all of those things are more than welcome. Even if you just want to get in touch and say 'hey, have you considered this... ?' all of those things will help me stay on track and get things done.

2).
Feeling alone or isolated: Although I have amazing friends in Thailand they are all very busy with their own lives and works, if you feel like firing off a quick e-mail or a friendly wall post please don't ever hesitate as I will very much appreciate it.
I am so excited to be heading off on Friday (oh by the way did I mention I am leaving on Friday, yikes :D) and really look forward to sharing this experience with you all, I look forward to completing my next blog post FROM THAILAND :D.

Night All :D xo.

With Love.

Hi All,

I found myself crying tonight for the people who were not getting into the top 25 of Masterchef and thought that maybe it was time for me to write this blog and begin dealing with why I am actually sad.

Tonight’s Blog was originally going to be about ANZAC Day and what it means to me (It was also going to be done 2 weeks ago), however the past 2 weeks have been a lot different to how I thought they would be and when I started crying I figured it was time to start writing about something different.

For those I have talked to personally, you would know that I was hoping to be back in Thailand by now and I am clearly not there. I do still very much want to be back in Thailand ASAP (Please God let someone buy my car), however I am also much more comfortable than I was with not being there yet.  I am coming to understand more completely than ever that sometimes things don’t happen according to MY plans because they are not meant to. It has become apparent to me that I still had unexpected things to learn and do while I am here.

The last 2 weeks, I have learned about love and compassion. Not about romantic love or about love for my family or for strangers or for my God, for me this has been about compassionate love. Love for others no matter what has come before in the relationship or what may come later, but about compassion and love in the moment.

Sometimes, I feel that we meet people who are placed in our life to teach us things, things about themselves, things about ourselves and things about humanity in general. Sometimes these people enter our lives and leave again quickly and sometimes it seems that despite the best efforts of both parties a bond is formed that is almost unbreakable. These relationships are not always easy; in fact, they can be a painful experience for all involved. It is from those experiences and those times of pain that I have learnt some of my greatest lessons about love.

These 2 weeks have been hard and sad for many reasons, some of which are my own, and some have been watching the pain and sadness of people that I care about.  There are so many people in my life who are facing sadness, disappointment and pain at this moment in time.  Last week I had the privilege and opportunity to be there for some very important people in my life in their time of sadness and pain and this week we were there together sharing a new sadness and pain. As hard as these experiences have been I am so thankful for the opportunity to have been there for the people I care about and for the love and support they and all of my friends and family have shown.

In loving memory of Jan and Pam.

P.s. I know that this has not been the most eloquent blog, and I am sure I will read it later and realise how much more I wanted to say. I am hoping that the next update will be much happier and more together.